While living in Austin, I did feel free. The guilt was gone. I was free to start over, free to go to church, free to study God’s Word and grow – truly grow in Spirit and in Truth. I joined Great Hills Baptist Church and studied and fellowshipped with other singles my age. “If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.” John 8:36
I had only been in Austin about 7 months when I had my yearly physical and mammogram which was about 6 months overdue. The results were not good – the mammogram was questionable. After a biopsy, I was told it was cancer. After surgery, I began chemo followed by radiation. My Christian friends were a true source of strength for me with constant support and prayer. You’ve probably heard the saying “Preach the gospel at all times – if necessary use words.” That’s what they did – they preached the gospel by just living, by just being and by loving me. “A heart at peace gives life to the body.” Proverbs 14:30
While attending a weekend Singles’ Retreat, the Lord began drawing me to Him – as Vaughn calls it, He was romancing me. One way in which we learn is from listening to and watching others. While at that retreat I saw something in some of the believers there – something that I wanted, something that I desired. They had a sweetness about them and a connectedness that I knew was lacking in my life. “That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.” Psalm 1:3
“Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.” James 4:10 When I got back to my apartment, I got on my knees and told God that I felt like I was on the river bank watching as Jesus and my friends were out in the middle of the river playing and enjoying one another and having a good time. I told Jesus that I wanted that – whatever it took; I wanted to be out there with them in the middle of the river - not just an observer.
My friend Gwen had given me the little book The Prayer of Jabez. I picked it up and began reading it and I felt almost electric inside – the excitement and anticipation that something wonderful was about to happen was almost more than I could bear. I read and when I got to Page 17….this is what it said, “Think of it this way: Instead of standing near the river’s edge, asking for a cup of water to get you through each day, you’ll do something unthinkable – you will take the little prayer with the giant prize and jump into the river! At that moment, you will begin to let the loving currents of God’s grace and power carry you along. God’s great plan for you will surround you and sweep you forward into the profoundly important and satisfying life He has waiting.” WOW! – I had just been spoken to by God Himself. He had reinforced and said back to me exactly what I had just prayed to Him. I knew I was about to take the ride of my life with Jesus, the One and Only Savior and Lord of my life.
We are all in a war for our soul - Learning to crucify my flesh and live after the Spirit of God is a day to day choice - never giving up, keeping on keeping on. I have chosen that journey – going to church, studying God’s Word, and learning how to become free and apply the cross to my life. “If any would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23
to be continued...
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